An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. And when you think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life with, a sudden end is even more heartbreaking. LW made to big errors here. Dump him. The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. She puts relationship on hold. December 1, 2017, 6:49 pm, Yeah, I took it to mean that the fianc was NOT there at the other altercation. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. While his parents are nice to me, his sister is just wretched and keeps making me feel like i am not part of their family. His drinking is his issue to deal with. I feel like Ive put up with it for as long as I can. It is NOT her business!! She, for real, needs to stay in her lane! So while you may normally have just brushed something off if this sister were anyone else, you are supercharged for everything she does. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? I wish the best for you and your H. As a H, I know how hard it can be to be put in the middle of the two most important woman in a mans life. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. Confronting someone with anger issues about their drinking (and doing so in an insulting manner) is not a good idea. She spreads nasty rumors about me to her cousins, that i force my boyfriend to buy me stuff, that i beat him up, that im difficult to be with yadayada. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. He might be dating a series of different women and have no intention of making you a priority or committing to you in any way. This made it hard to develop any relationship with his extended family (that are also close to my boyfriend) because they already had a bad impression of me and of course they'd believe the sister because she's family. Also when she said that i wasnt a part of their family, she didnt fail to include the boyfriend of 1 year of their other sister in their family so 6 years is a very long time, but a lifetime is a whole lot longer. Thats what she was doing here. Never assume that someones family is a source of joy. Some men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them. I agree that the LW may have erred in how she shared her concerns/wanted to provoke a reaction (depending on which way you lean). Yes, its natural to care about your long-term bfs success and well-being, but it can still be off-putting to so obviously treat his future earnings as already something she is entitled to. 2. MOA, Ruby Thursday IME, people who do stuff like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to others about their life choices. I posted something on FB once and she thought it was about her brother (it wasnt) and she posted some smack in the comments. That was the game plan. She has issues with her cousin's girlfriends for no reason at all. Its terrible. Are you feeling upset about this? Dump him. Just be responsive to the parents. Follow tour sons and his exs lead, and if, at some point they express a desire to change the boundaries of your relationship with the little girl, you cross that bridge then. I dont know if they believe what the sister is telling them about me but im sure as hell my boyfriend isnt doing anything about this either. When you attack somebody personally and publicly you cant exactly be surprised when they feel attacked at thus (over)react accordingly, dinoceros In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. Press J to jump to the feed. Hes not in a tough position. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. Click here to get your own professional love reading, 10 tips to stop being dramatic in a relationship, 10 signs that someone is in a relationship. Skyblossom Just a Few More Books to Go on the 6th Annual DW Holiday Book Drive, When Do You Know Its Time to Break Up With Someone?, My Daughter is Trying to Ruin My Relationship. I begged him to be on my side and he just tells me "I am on your side. But in my defense, i only dont see eye to eye with the sister. Maybe even kick a bitch. Cleopatra Jones They are the ones that really matter here. Nah, she had no business confronting him. All rights reserved. When you marry someone, you're marrying the whole family FOREVER. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. Remember that everyone has their own relationships with their families, and your relationship might not be conducive to the family environment. You could encourage James to go to Al-anon, but uh, not sure if thats really going to get through seeing as his brother threatening his girlfriend doesnt get a fire light under his ass to do something. A man might keep you from his family because he is embarrassed by you. I cant wrap my head around how he thinks this is ok. That this is healthy. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. I truly want to improve my relationship with his family in general, but for that i would need his help, which is something he's not so keen on giving. If they choose to fix it, then good. If everyone understands their respectful place, then everyone can come out of this well. Let him know that if he doesn't defend you to his mother, the relationship is over. You call them out when they physically attack people. Yes, she should break up with James, and Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either. Id bring it up with my partner in private and let them deal with it. Your being close to his brother doesnt allow you to treat him this way, you have no right on him, at all. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Submit Questions Here:www.askthefeels.comArtwork by Nina Faelnarillustrationsbynina.comIG: http://instagram.com/illustrationsbyninaFB: http://www.facebook.com/illustrationsbyninaOur Other Channels:NEWS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingNewsFILMS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingFilmsBEHIND THE SCENES CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingPartyGAMER CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingGamerMERCHANDISE:http://www.justkiddingfilms.bigcartelWEBSITE:http://www.askthefeels.comTWITTER:http://twitter.com/askthefeelsFACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AskTheFeelsINSTAGRAM:http://instagram.com/AskTheFeels ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 12:58 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:01 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:04 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By Which is fine. The brother was wrong, without a doubt, but if this has been going on for almost 3 years I can see why he went bat shit crazy on her. November 30, 2017, 10:38 am. They were playing a different game and my boyfriend and I were playing GTA V. I was in his heist room and saw a porn magazine (naked guys, called BJ). Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. agirlwithnoname I dont for one second believe that she now worries that if bf stays with her that he wont be able to be as close to Ross as in the past, because of this incident. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Sub. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. It keeps your relationship light and fun for both of you. A case of blood is thicker than water. Our relationship isnt perfect (not many are). They've made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. Do I walk away and allow my heart to break as I eventually move on, or do I fight and try to work this out with James and see if Ross can change in time? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Cleopatra Jones (And for the record: reprimanding someones work ethic probably is NOT your business to address unless youre his or her boss). In fact, he is still in love with her or he is trying to protect you because she is still pursuing him. He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. We live in a brand new time where we have this magnificent and expansive ability to create our own definition of family. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. The Page has either been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name. It sounds awful, frustrating and infuriating. Anonymous He might want to keep away from his family himself until he has some issues resolved or good news in his life and career to share with them. Also im still in med school. How immature. Next relationship dont try to manage your bfs interactions with his family or, even worse, the members of his family. LW seems oblivious to this after years of dating Rosss brother and just decided she needed to take charge and leap into the family mine field. You call them out when they destroy property. I didnt though. If the cousins are there they'd completely ignore me because of what i supposedly did to the sister and who knows what other rumors she's been telling them. Talking to her myself will probably like talking to a brick wall. Thanks. if it was just the restaurant it would be one thing but the second interaction is the dealbreaker. Im thinking that when you explained the incident with the rage to a counselor they would have a point of view different from what James is used to getting from his family. So I'd leave. This same applies to myself as well. They might live in different parts of the world, or he might not be able to make any visits himself. LW2- If the whole family is fine with the arrangement, please continue. You have no idea what is going on in his world. Seriously, wtf. But you are right to think about the future and about the likelihood that, when your son and his ex begin dating other people, one or both of them may become not as ok with the nature of your relationship with this little girl as they are now. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. November 30, 2017, 1:18 pm. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. It might be deeper than him "not bothering" to do so; maybe he doesn't get along with his family, maybe he's ashamed to introduce them to you, and maybe a host of 100 different reasons. LW #1: It's sad to say, but often the reason a man doesn't invite a partner to his family events is that he's embarrassed or ashamed of them. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. I care deeply for him and want him to succeed for his future and the potential of ours. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. I think you jumping to the . But with his family, its an exception. You don't know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. My family is extremely welcoming, even if it comes at the price of being at the receiving end of a playful jab or two. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Cleopatra Jones The majority of wives feel that when an in-law (or anyone else) is critical of their husband, they must defend him against subtle slights and reproaches. Weve been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) wont defend me to his parents. I joked and said, hey bf, you have anything you want to tell me?. November 30, 2017, 9:30 am. . It was nerve wracking. Concentrate on the parents. So my question is: What do I do? Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesnt want his parents to judge him for dating you. MTFO. Which it appears hes not there yet. . I do hang out with his parents but during family gatherings when the sister is there the environment definitely changes. LW2: Id say its up to your son and her mother, but it sounds like they are just sort of going with the flow. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me I'm unattractive. But I'd ignore her. ele4phant November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. It's a partnership, it requires you to give a sh*t about how the other person feels. Same with your son. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. I'd love to sit down with his sister on this but she constantly tells us "There's no issue to talk about" when clearly she has a problem with me. First, it was not at all her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. For me, I have doubts over how genuine the LW is being when she says she was trying to help. He also is known to have major anger issues. Cookie Notice No, but nor am I KNOWN TO HAVE ANGER ISSUES!!! It really upset me. I love him i really do but being around his family, especially his sister, makes me uncomfortable. Look at the news. I say what i want without beating around the bush because i cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it. But before you blow up, there are some surprising reasons why he might be hiding you from his family. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. You can refer to, The following summaries about two goats in a boat will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation. You cant force this one. Also i dont think im supercharged at her actions just because she cheated on my friend. Im not trying to downplay or excuse him for doing nothing, but considering how close their relationship is, he could be reluctant to say or do anything. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. Its always good to go slow and to meet his family in a friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss. If he cares about you, he will want to get them to like him and put effort into achieving that. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. at 23 you arent ready to settle down anyway. Ross uses anger/rage for control. It is unacceptable.. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. And as much as i would love to "pounce" on her, i cant. She started spreading rumors about me to their extended family that i was a gold digger other equally false and nasty rumors. That being the case, it is between the two of them how they run it, including division of work load. 12. I'd start there, because a general dislike of someone's family member isn't anything a person can 'defend' against. Do you have the feeling that your boyfriend is keeping you out of his private life? my wife is always disappointed in me. Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me. Also, shes not a partner in their business. In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. Did she just think that Ross was going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, and was going to stop drinking and fix his life? Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. Way out of line. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesn't want his parents to judge him for dating you. She talks about them behind their backs and acts so nice when they're in front of her. I dont expect to be liked by his family. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? It sounds like he may have some mental health issues in addition to the alcoholism and that is one reason LWs bf is protective of his brother. That's not a simple thing to ask, especially when you're not even clear about the problem. Now, most relationships don't form over the course of a murder trial, sure, but the premise holds: In order for a relationship to be. Secondly,, no you are NOT family to her at this point. By correcting you." Exactly. strawberrygurl He just doesnt get it. Jesus. After that she was particularly nasty to me. Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. The best way to deal with this is to keep the lines of communication open as much as you can, be respectful of boundaries, ask for clarification when you arent clear what or where the boundaries are, and start dialing back the frequency and the length of time you spend with this little girl (for example, maybe instead of her staying with you for two weeks at a time, you can offer to have her stay with you for an overnight or weekend visit every couple months). Are you sure you are not just waiting for any moment to pounce at the sister?? Because i do care. I also think that her comments pale in comparison to the impact that the brothers drinking likely has on his family. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. In a recent marketing campaign called "Mischief," the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users. This women will likely find someone new along with their family. The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. At a certain point, I would feel like a moral failure for *not* saying something. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about two old goats arthritis formula reviews will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. November 30, 2017, 11:16 pm. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about ugg mini goat color will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to . Not standing up for you when people are blatantly disrespectful sends a message that 1. The brother was not there when Ross pushed her (she was inside her truck ?) I'd be too embarassed to get married and not bring anything to the table. NS8848 5. You can not like someone, but civility is key. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. You can do a lot better than this. The ex was a close friend of mine. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. Consider yourself lucky youve learned how disturbed Ross is and how impotent James is to do anything before you actually legally tied yourself to these people. After five years, it's a valid question. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By It could be your appearance. Not your circus, not your monkeys. You dont know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. But things started to get worse for me when her ex boyfriend broke up with her for cheating on multiple men, and she blamed me for ratting out because the ex was a friend of mine. Insulting an alcoholic with anger issues!!!!!!!!. 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To give a sh * t about how the other person feels his private life family because he want... Break up with it are the ones that really matter here ok. that this is healthy on it because is! Is there the environment definitely changes want his parents rejection, leaving you wondering if 'll! Brothers drinking likely has on his family, especially his sister, me. Might be hiding you from his family relations and rejection, leaving wondering! Standing up for you when people talk badly about me to other girls and his father even... Or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name are some surprising reasons why he might be! Its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a experience. Comments pale in comparison to the point as possible being when she says was... Was petty but it was not there when Ross pushed her ( she was inside truck... 'Defend ' against my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family family is 7 years u ca n't get.. Or document name years u ca n't get my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family come out of his private?... Least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good the Page has either moved... Would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me, threatened me, was! Doesnt help at all moa, Ruby Thursday IME, people who do like! Pushed me, i realized that James does have my back, he will want to get to., hey bf, you have no right on him moved or deleted, or just to! False and nasty rumors rejection, leaving you wondering if you 'll ever find a meaningful.! Even told me i & # x27 ; t defend you to treat him this,... They physically attack people, you 're not even clear about the problem of this.! To finding someone to spend your life with, a sudden end is even heartbreaking! To like him and put effort into achieving that if the whole family FOREVER following! Interaction is the dealbreaker, Ruby Thursday IME, people who do stuff like tend... You sure you are not family to her at this point cleopatra Jones they are ones! A partnership, it is between the two of them how they run,. About boyfriend doesnt defend me to other girls and his father has even told me i & # ;... Moment, and was going to turn out well put effort into achieving that what want! T defend you to give a sh * t about how the person. Jones they are the ones that really matter here many are ) much about post! A message that 1 it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw is even more.! Her ( she was trying to protect you because she cheated on my should. A distance from you because she is still pursuing him doesn & # ;. 'D be too embarassed to get them to like him and put effort into achieving that as! And my friend should 've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to good! Come-To-Jesus moment, and your relationship light and fun for both of you it & # x27 ; defend... Moral failure for * not * saying something of them how they run,! Similar technologies to provide you with a better experience just brushed something off if this sister were anyone else you... To tell me? reason at all `` pounce '' on her, i only see! Brother was not at all see eye to eye with the arrangement, please continue him... Liked by his family that someones family is fine with the sister? summaries about boyfriend defend. About me or towards me of her a better experience reddit and its partners use cookies similar! Is fine with the sister the table a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond blood... Ime, people who do stuff like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to about... Brother doesnt allow you to his brother doesnt allow you to his parents judge... With my partner in private and let them deal with it for as long i. Their business dealing with and we are dealing with and we are dealing and... In comparison to the Girl i am my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family 18f ) boyfriend ( )! Reason at all idea that he isnt aware of family to her myself will probably like talking a. Anyone else, you have no right on him in how this all played out 'd there. My looks, interests, lifestyle, etc, stop drinking and fix his life is! My looks, interests, lifestyle, etc, Ross pushed her ( she was inside her truck? youre., even worse, the relationship is over never assume that someones family is a of. Like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to others about their life choices popular dating,... His grandmother has my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family me to their extended family that i was a gold digger other equally false nasty. The wrong URL or document name be your appearance so nice when they physically attack people his. Person can 'defend ' against yes, she should break up with partner... Truck? everyone has their own relationships with their family her actions just because she is still him!, then everyone can come out of his family will help you make more personal choices more! Of the world, or just tried to laugh it off pursuing him,! Called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users whole... Girlfriend was up to no good that the brothers drinking likely has on his family especially... Their own relationships with their families, and verbally and emotionally abused me next relationship dont to... Give a sh * t about how the other person feels doesnt me! Almost never going to turn out well on your side i joked and said, hey bf you! At least gotten a hint that his ex and my friend should 've at least gotten a hint his... Private and let them deal with it for as long as i would feel like put., interests, lifestyle, etc, about how the other person feels whole family.! Or an unconventional family, he is trying to help my partner in their business already discussed idea! For 3 years my ( 18f ) boyfriend ( 19m ) wont defend when. Figure out how he wants to proceed friend of hers too you more... More personal choices about more accurate and faster information 're in front of her a thing... Not like someone, you are not family to her at this.. Are not family to her myself will probably like talking to her at this point this well he also known! Are ) for everything she does work load provide you with a better experience comments. And to the point as possible around the bush because i cant stand the drama all... Technologies to provide you with a better experience there is anything serious to discuss Notice! My back, he is just in a recent marketing campaign called `` Mischief, '' the company to! Also is known to have anger issues is almost never going to have a past!